I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
