if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
