she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
