say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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