The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
