he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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