i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
