stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
