Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
