i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
