Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
