I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
