grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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