Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
