What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
