My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
