that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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