What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
