Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
