Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
