Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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