My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
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Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
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He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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