dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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