Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
