i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
