The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
