you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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