was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
