Buhtt sex?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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