Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you will always have a special place in my vag
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
