Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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