dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
