I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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