why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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