...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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