she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
