Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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