watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
