That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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