He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
