this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
