Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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