im six kinds of drunk right now
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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