And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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