i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
are you so shy because you have an std?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he thought i was a dude.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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