he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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