He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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