he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
