shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
