I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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