Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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