Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
