People in love make me want to vomit
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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