You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
