if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
