im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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