a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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