I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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