considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
