Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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