He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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