you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Mom said you looked used
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
