it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
