You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
