Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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