So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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