You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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