I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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