Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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