an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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