i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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