I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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