so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
