we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
