no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
