I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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