You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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