addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
