so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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