My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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