I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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