I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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