I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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