The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
