I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
