Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
