My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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