So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
