Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
